~ Frequently Asked Questions ~
This page has become rather extensive
over time and has been recently updated to include some of the
things you want to ask but may be shy about. While we are sure
sure this won't cover everything, here are some of the most frequently
asked questions and their answers.
Q: "How soon before the wedding
should we be looking for an officiant?"
A: Many couples book a year and a
half in advance especially if they know their date is a popular
one. Most of my couples like to take their time going over the
draft and fine tuning what will be said. For others a couple
of months is fine, and for others they're asking about this weekend
coming. The golden rule these days is "What Ever Works!"
But for any vendor you have your heart set on, it is always better
to book early.
Q: "How long have you been an
officiant for?"
A: Isaac is an ordained priest of
Ár nDraíocht Féin: A Druid Fellowship, and
he and Phaedra are both ordained ministers of The Church of Ancient
Ways. Both organizations are 501(c)(3) religious organizations
recognized by the Internal Revenue Service. We have both performed
marriages for over thirty years, none of which have ever been
questioned in court.
Q: "Do you require premarital
counseling?"
A: No. We believe that in searching
for the key components to your ceremony, what are the things
you want to promise and be promised on your wedding day... what
do you love most about one another... that the writing process
itself encourages you to discuss many of the things spoken of
in counseling, only in a more natural manner. Every relationship
is as unique as the couple themselves and far be it from us to
ever try to tell you what will work for you. Now on the other
hand if you are looking for a class, we recommend Deb Viola's
Secrets
to a Successful Marriage
Q: "What kinds of ceremonies
do you perform?"
A: All kinds! Weddings, Handfastings,
Commitment Ceremonies, Vow Renewals, Child Welcomings, Coming
of Age rites, Funerals, and Memorial Services. We can even create
something new for unique occasions! We call them "People
Centered Ceremonies" because we keep all the traditional
aspects that you are connected to and toss out the things that
make you cringe. We are culturally and subculturally considerate
and have the ability to turn your thoughts and feelings into
a ceremony that will make everyone present feel closer to you
and to one another by sharing a side of you and your relationship
that they wouldn't see on any other day.
Q: "We just want a simple ceremony,
do we have to meet with you for that?"
A: No, you don't have to do or not
do anything with us.We try to do what you want us to do for you
and if skipping the meeting in favor of picking elements from
our website works for you, then it works for us. The best part
of that is meeting and writing take time. If you don't need that
time you don't pay for it. So it's $100.00 right off the top!
Q: "How long do your ceremonies
usually take to perform?"
A: It is up to you but we usually
try to run no more than 30 minutes. Any longer than that and
we run the risk of sounding like "blah, blah, blah, blah...."
Q: "We are... a. Second Marriage
Catholics
b. Of Different Religions
c. More Spiritual than Religious
d. Looking for a Justice of the Peace style Civil Ceremony
e. Planning to include Multi-Cultural aspects
f. Planning to Include Our Children
g. Wondering if you knew any Klingon
h. Pirates, ninjas, goths, nudists
.... Is this a problem?
A: On the contrary, it is a blessing
to know who you are and what is important to you. Everything
that is important to you is important to us if we are to help
you create a ceremony that celebrates your life and your love.
We can always learn a few sentences of another language (and
can pronounce Irish Gaelic and German more-or-less correctly),
but if it's more than that, we recommend choosing someone fluent
for the job.
Q: "We think we want to write
our own vows but aren't sure is this ok?"
A: Of course it is! There are many
ways to do this and we are here to help. There is also always
the back door. If you just can't talk when the moment comes,
instead of asking you to, one of us will say, "These are
your beautiful Bride's own words to you on your wedding day,"
and no one is the wiser. We do find that knowing you don't have
to speak removes the pressure that causes the stress to begin
with.
Q: "How closely do you schedule
your ceremonies?"
A: We don't schedule closer than 3
hours in between weddings, unless of course they within a couple
of miles of one another. Included in what we consider your time
is a buffer "just in case" You will never lose any
part of your day because we are late and we will never schedule
so closely that you feel rushed in any way.
Q: "How early do you arrive?"
A: This is another great question
to ask your officiant. How much time of theirs is yours on the
wedding day. We arrive 45 minutes to 1 hour before your scheduled
start time and stay till roughly 45 minutes after the scheduled
start time.
Q: "What happens if you get sick?"
A: We am very well networked and work
closely with Rev. April Gismondi and other local officiants.
We know many of you have read the stories on the local chat boards
about officiants "running late" or "getting stuck
in traffic" or the ever popular "sick mother"
and sending a replacement. With the chronic over-bookers working
full time, you are right in needing to choose someone whom you
can trust implicitly. Of course, if your ceremony is to be done
nude or in costume, it would be wise for us to have selected
an appropriate substitute beforehand.
Q: "Do you have any restrictions
on photography or video?"
A: Absolutely not, they can go where
ever you want them to go to get you the best shots possible.
We should all be working together to help your vendors give you
the best we have to offer.
Q: "What do your typical services
include?"
A: My services are all tailored to
fit your needs and usually include:
- A meeting where we talk about what you want
your ceremony to be like. What's important, what's not, things
you want to include, things we should steer clear of...
- Our turning what you say into a 1st draft
and emailing it to you. This we do without obligation to you
because we want you to see how we work and what we can do before
you make a final decision to hire us. This partly because yes,
we am that confident in what we do, and partly because we really
want to make sure that you feel that we are right for you. We
feel as though a little piece of us stays with every couple that
we marry, and it is important to us that you feel good about
having that kind of relationship with us.
- The changes and fine tuning that make the
draft into your ceremony.
- All the email and phone support you need.
- On the day of the wedding we get to the site
45 minutes to an hour early to make sure that any one who has
a part is comfortable, and to coordinate with the other vendors
and such.
- One of us will sign and process the Marriage
License, which is always sent certified mail, so that if six
weeks comes and you still don't have your certificate from the
state.... we have a tracking number.
- We copy the Marriage License for your records.
Bring it on the honeymoon for the free stuff but remember
to remove your SS# and Mom's maiden name.
Q: "Do you charge extra to add
a candle lighting, rose or other ceremony?"
A: Never! We don't micro-manage fees
and ceremony content.
Q: "How much contact will we
have with you before the wedding?"
A: As much or as little as you want.
Some couples finish everything themselves then send it all back
and others want to talk about all the options for every decision
they make. We're good either way, however you can expect a check
in call every now and then and all calls and emails are answered
within 24 hours except on weekends when weddings sometimes keep
us away from the computer.
Q: "When and where do we meet
with you?"
A: We usually meet couples on weekday
evenings at our home in Valley Cottage. Weekends are sometimes
a possibility, but Friday, Saturday and Sunday are usually spent
marrying other couples. If you live more than twenty miles from
Valley Cottage, we can arrange to meet at a diner or other restaurant
halfway between us.
Q: "What about the rehearsal?"
A: If we do a run through on site
the day of the wedding, it is usually scheduled for an hour before
the ceremony is to start. This is included in our base price.
If not on the same day, then there is an extra charge for the
extra time it
will take. Often our couples are comfortable enough with the
draft that they do not need a rehearsal. We think it is a good
idea for small children to be walked through at the location.
Most often the Maitre-d handles all the ins and outs of a run
through and if there are no moving parts to the ceremony, and
we are strictly ornamental. If you are in a venue with nobody
directing traffic we like to draft someone to send you down as
we catch.
Q: "We have our Marriage License.
Can we come over and get married now?"
A: Believe it or not the answer is
often yes, depending on the weather, as there are lovely parks
in the area and we have a nice wooded backyard. Or we can travel
to your location, including local restaurants and hotels.
Q: "What do you wear?"
A: We have dignified clerical business
clothing, as well as Druidic and Wiccan robes, and will be happy
to dress -- or undress! -- for a theme or subcultural event.
You may have to spring for the rental of appropriate costumes
if you need something we don't already have in our wardrobes.
Q: "We read online, 'To tip them
is to trivialize their profession and extremely bad etiquette.'
Is this true?"
A: No, it is not an insult but it
is not required either. Professional Officiants vary in quality
of service just like any other vendor. Some keep their costs
down by rushing in and out, performing the bare minimum required
by law, to increase the volume they can do in a day. Some other
officiants in all price ranges bend over backwards to spend the
time and effort that it takes to give you the wedding of your
dreams. We believe that anyone who goes above and beyond should
be rewarded in some way and those who do not should not be.
Q: I said I won't get married until
everyone can. Well, gay marriage was legalized in California,
and I set my wedding date and started planning. Then November
came around and that right was taken away. Our site was already
booked, vendors paid for, plans made. Now do I stop the wedding
in protest or go ahead with plans already made?
A: Here's a clever solution someone
posted on Daily Kos: Go through with it, but ask your guests,
in lieu of gifts to make a donation to Marriage
Equality, the Courage
Campaign, or some other marriage equality advocacy group.
That way, you have your day of joy, don't forfeit your deposits,
and do a little charity making lemonade out of lemons at the
same time.
Q: "What do you need to know
from us to check your availability?"
A: Date, Time and Location. Please
feel free to call us any time! To reserve a date more than two
weeks ahead, we do request a deposit (see the Fees
page).
Q: "Will you both be there to
officiate?"
A: That depends on how far ahead you
book your date. Isaac will almost always be available, but Phaedra's
schedule is much tighter. So if you want both a priest and a
priestess to preside over your ceremony, give us at least two
months' notice!
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Click on the Church Banner to email Rev. Isaac
or call
845-523-3651
anytime!
If you have not found what you are looking for, try
these key words: Wedding Officiant, Wedding Minister, Wedding
Officiants, Wedding Ministers, Wedding Ceremony, Marriage Ceremonies,
Wedding Services, Marriage Officiant, Wedding Officiate, Wedding
Pastor, Wedding Pastors, Wedding Celebrant, Reverend, Wedding
Clergy, Justice of the Peace, JOP, Priest, Rabbi. Serving New
York City / NYC, Westchester, Rockland, Putnam, Orange, Dutchess,
Bergen, Passaic, and Surrounding Areas
For traditional civil weddings and other rituals,
visit our sister site: Hudson
Valley Civil Ceremonies.
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